Am I Good Enough?

"Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors." I Kings 19:4


One of my all time favorite comedies, still to this day, is City Slickers. In this movie, three almost-middle-age guys join a cattle drive in an attempt to "straighten the knots in their ropes" and kill their demons. We have Mitch, played by Billy Crystal, who is struggling with age and finding meaning as he approaches mid-life; Phil, played by Daniel Stern, is recovering from a broken marriage after years of living with an unloving wife and having had an affair with a young girl; and Ed, play by Bruno Kirby, who is struggling with something I think a lot of us deal with--whether or not he is better than his father, who abandoned him and his family when he was 14 years old.


He's now the owner of a successful sporting goods store who is married to a gorgeous, young underwear model. Sounds great, right? Except he's scared to death because his beautiful, young wife wants to have kids and Ed's afraid that he'll be just like his father all over again, a cheater and a scoundrel. It's a commitment thing. 


After the trail boss (Jack Palance) suddenly dies and the two trail hands abandon them, the group is faced with a choice: leave the herd and go for help or continue to drive the herd to Colorado. Ed, driven by his need to prove he can stick with something, decides to drive the herd himself. Phil goes with him and, of course, Mitch eventually follows and the three of them save the day and drive the herd to Colorado. After that, Ed is confident that we will be able to stick with it and decides to go home and tell his wife he's ready to have children. It's amazing some of the things we do to prove we are better than our ancestors.


I think Elijah, like many of us, wrestled with the same question Ed did: Am I any better? Better than my ancestors, who made and worshipped a golden calf right after God just led them out of Egypt, who grumbled in the desert, who kept going back to idol worship over and over again, who God often referred to as an adulterous nation? He himself seems to be falling into the same pattern when, after just having slaughtered the 400 prophets of Baal, he now finds himself running and hiding in a cave because of one woman named Jezebel. Exhausted, frustrated and weary, he collapses under a broom tree and says, "I have had enough, LORD, take my life; I am no better than my ancestors." I'm no better. 


It appears that even the great Elijah had a few issues of his own. I must confess I have felt the same way, when I see so many bad examples of what not to do as a Christian being splashed across news pages. "Where are the men of God?" I wonder. "Someone's got to show this world that it can be done, that a righteous life is possible, that there's someone out there who's serious about this, who's real, who's genuine." I have even found myself comparing myself to Elijah and wondering, "Why not now, Lord? Why not me? Why doesn't this happen now?" (btw...This isn't just good old-fashioned Pentecostal talk, check out Spurgeon's comments here). I have even found myself thinking, "I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna be the one, I'll show 'em!" But who does that glorify, myself or God? And then I think, "No, can't be me, I'm too _____, I struggle with _____, I'm not _____ enough."


Who are we trying to please or impress, anyway, and by what standard are we to be measured? The only person we have to please is Christ, and his is the only standard by which to be measured. To aim for simply being better than anyone else is actually to aim for a lower standard than his and to judge our neighbor in the process. We dare not judge another, like the pharisee in Luke 18:11, by trying to be better than them. Let's start, rather, by beating on our breasts with the heart of the sinful tax collector who said, "God, have mercy on me, a sinner." Let's fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who will complete the good work he began in us, and run in such as way as to get the prize. What he starts, he always finishes. So be patient and have mercy on yourself, as God did with Elijah. God's not finished with you...yet.

"He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Phil 1:6